The nominees for the Daytime Emmy’s were announced on May 14th and true soap fans must be shaking their heads in wonder. Or are speechless… Or dumbfounded… Or all of the above…

Somehow, beyond all the laws of nature, All My Children leads the way with 19 nominations. Let me repeat, ALL MY CHILDREN GOT 19 NOMINATIONS!!!! One year removed from one (one, singular, individual, solitary, ONE) nomination (David Canary as Adam Chandler – currently being forced out by TIIC), they managed to rake in 19 nominations!!!

WTF?!?! NINETEEN NOMINATIONS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Are you serious?!?! You cannot be serious!! That’s… that’s mind-boggling!! The show that was made fun of, turned into a punch-line, became an utter laughingstock to a huge cross-section of viewers, got 19 nominations?!?!? I’d like to know what compromising photos Charles Pratt has of the judging committee to sway the vote like this.

Now, granted there were acting noms that were much deserved. Thorsten Kaye (again), Debbie Morgan (YAY!), Melissa Claire Egan (first time), Alicia Minshew (finally!) all transcended the material they were given to earn their nominations. Angie’s return and her discovering Jesse alive after 20 years was fantastic work. And Alicia, finally recognized after many deserving years, snagged her first ever nomination. Melissa Egan’s CrazyAnnie was worth the price of admission (except, of course, the day she leapt off Ryan’s penthouse balcony and landed without a scratch several floors below, but… that was the writing, not the acting).

However, I seriously take exception to All My Children and The Bold and the Beautiful receiving nominations as Best Daytime Drama. AMC, if nothing else, deserves an award for Best Example of How to Destroy a Once Incredibly Popular Soap with Nothing More Than Amazingly Bad Writing. (I bet that wouldn’t fit on the trophy, but, you never know, it has a pretty big base). The Bold and the Beautiful is good soap, but no where near on par with The Young and the Restless or even One Life to Live’s level this year.

All My Children, once one of the strongest shows on daytime, has been reduced to mindless hackery. Charles Pratt has taken the show to the very depths of ghoulishness with his unbelievably high body count in a relatively short time-span:  Zach shooting Josh in the head in order to harvest his heart, Annie clubbing brother Richie like a baby seal to save her marriage (oops), Babe getting impaled during a tornado, Greenlee flying off a cliff on a motorcycle, Di Henry being shot and killed by CrazyAnnie during her plot to save her marriage (again, oops). (have I missed anyone? They came fast and furious at one point)  There was the waste of veteran/returning characters (and big names with big-time talent) to pimp new characters that utterly failed (*coughRebecca-Jesse’s-long-lost-wife-when-everyone-thought-he-was-dead-and-her-daughter-and-the-one-hooker-we-couldn’t-care-less-about-Randicough*), the force-feeding of the re-pairing of Ryan and Greenlee, which effectively ended Rebecca Budig’s return, which, oh, yeah, was botched by ABC/AMC. Toss in some cool effects, some plots with holes the size of the one in the ozone layer, plot-driven, soulless storytelling, and that was All My Children in 2008.

And yet, somehow, THEY GOT A WRITING NOMINATION!!!!!!! Charles Pratt got an Emmy nomination for the ridiculously HORRIBLE writing he cranked out in 2008. REALLY? REALLY?!?!?!

The man who actually blamed an Emmy Award winning actress for HIS inadequacies was nominated for Best Writing. This is the man who so completely decimated what should have been the most intriguing storyline on television, daytime or nighttime, was nominated for a writing award… Again, was it the headshot to Josh? Annie’s leap of faith and tire-ironing? Ryan and Greenlee rutting like pigs at every turn? I am utterly mystified how this drivel is worthy even of consideration, let alone an actual nomination.

If anything, Esensten and Brown deserve the nomination without Pratt’s name being tacked on to cheapen it. They did the work that resonated last year with Angie and Jesse’s return, among other things. They had started turning the show around when Brian Frons inexplicably fired them and brought on his buddy, Charles Pratt. And the impact was felt immediately in declining quality. Attaching Pratt’s name to this makes the category irrelevant and a farce.

Like toddlers with no sense of actual value, it’s obvious the judges are swayed by a shiny trinket from a gumball machine. The fancy effects of CGI outweigh the quality of the writing, pacing and continuity.

And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE Alicia Minshew, and she is incredibly deserving of her nomination, but there was an indescribably better heart transplant story on daytime last year, involving Crystal Chappell’s fantastic Olivia Spencer on Guiding Light. Like Minshew’s Kendall, Olivia also received the heart of a loved one. Yet Olivia’s story ripped out viewers hearts with her despondency upon learning of Gus Aitoro’s death and the fact that his heart beat now in her chest. How she woke asking for Gus, how Reva broke the news of his death and the gift of his heart from his widow Natalia Rivera. How she gave up her will to live, crying out that she didn’t want to live if Gus was dead. On a daily basis, you watched Crystal Chappell with a lump in your throat, unable to swallow it down with every scene that played out. In this instance, Guiding Light outshone AMC and Crystal Chappell again acted circles around the best daytime has to offer.

(Let me add that I seriously doubt Alicia Minshew’s Emmy submission material was the heart transplant storyline, since she was lying in a bed during that time, pretending to be in a coma. She was, however, an incredibly realistic coma patient)

There is one, possibly two, names on the list for Best Supporting Actress that should have been switched out with Crystal’s. She is undoubtedly one of the best actresses working in daytime television and her name absent from this list is really a travesty. She’ll get hers in 2009 for the work she’s done in recent months. If not, then there’s something seriously rotten in Denmark.

I’ll give AMC the technical award nominations, though. Well deserved, I’m sure.

Here’s hoping OLTL sweeps every category they’re nominated in with AMC…

Deserving Nominees include Susan Haskell, who transcended the repugnant rape-mance storyline on OLTL. She always does top-notch work. Daniel C0sgrove, as GL’s Bill Lewis, also delivers quality work on a daily basis and Jeanne Cooper, the Grande Dame of Daytime, still impresses and had a fantastically  meaty storyline last year.

I would replace Anthony Geary with Darnell Williams. Darnell’s turn as newly-back-from-the-dead Jesse Hubbard was tortured as he still fought to keep his family safe. Plus the respect to the history of the character by the writers made his portrayal even better.

Gina Tognoni, Kim Zimmer, Crystall Chappell, all names that could, and probably should, be on this list. I like Bree Williamson, I just don’t think her turn as crazy Tessica is Emmy-worthy, even with the work she did during Nash’s death.

I think Tamara Braun’s Ava from DOOL was a loony-tune… which means of the 5 nominees in the Best Supporting Actress Category, 3 characters were mentally unbalanced last year… Lack of originality much, Academy voters?

Congratulations, however, are in order for the brilliant minds behind Imaginary Bitches, which snagged a nomination in the New Approaches in Daytime Entertainment category opposite fellow You Tube series I Met The Walrus. TAC. TV, The New York Times Magazine Screen Tests and All My Children are also nominated. (Um, AMC? WTF?!?!) Of course, if they walk off with the trophy, it will be all Eden Riegel’s fault. (And watching Eden win an Emmy over AMC would be sweet vindication)

The Daytime Emmy’s will air on August 30, 2009 on the CW.

Best of luck to the many deserving nominees… Charles Pratt, on the other hand, can suck it.

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Okay, so… on Monday’s AMC, Annie jumped off the balcony at the apartment she and Ryan shared in happier days, when they were the perfect little family with daughter Emma. *snore* Now, I’m assuming it was a pretty long drop, since the sound of her scream as she plummeted to the ground was a little longer than “Heeeeey! And I’m down!”, it was more like a “Aiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”, similar to those missile sounds you used to make when you were playing war with those little green military men back in your childhood. Plus, I would imagine that a guy like Ryan, who is apparently independently wealthy and has the means to afford a penthouse apartment, would have one. So, I would guess she took a pretty good plummet of at least 8-10 stories.

Well, imagine my shock when Greenlee looked over the balcony and said, I kid you not: “She made it.”

Um, WTF? She MADE IT?!?! She threw herself off a balcony in a high-rise apartment and MADE IT?!?!?

REALLY?!?!?

WTF?!?!?!?!??!?!?

I am beyond speechless… Seriously… I can’t… Wow…

Just…. wow….

While I, and I am sure many other AMC viewers, watch in complete awe at the sheer idiocy of such an incredibly poorly written piece of drivel, Ryan tells Greenlee to stay put, he’s going to go get Annie.

Now, normally in this situation, Ryan would have had to get Annie with a sponge or something similar to wipe up the slimey spot she just left on the sidewalk because it’s not the fall that kills you but the sudden stop at the end, but he returns moments later, limping and holding his leg. Apparently, Annie found a getaway car and fled the scene, clipping Ryan in the process…

WHAT. THE. F*CK?!?!?

Wow, so, not only did Annie land lightly from her leap, but she almost hit Ryan with the car she DROVE. AWAY. IN!!!

Oh, now that’s believable.

She’s very flexible… and rubbery… She’s Gumby, dammit! (But she’s very bad at the whole killing Ryan thing, though, first by not shooting him with the gun she had pointed at his oh-so-broad chest, then by managing to only clip him with 2 tons of steel…)

The next we see Annie, she’s instantaneously arrived at Wildwind to have a Thanksgiving dinner in her twisted mind… So, at least the Cambias transporter is working well. Must be that new shipment of Dilithium Crystals…

It is here we see that Annie not only survived the fall and drove away in a car… SHE DOESN’T HAVE A SCRATCH ON HER!!! She has arrived at Wildwind and is planning some grand dinner. SHE. DOESN’T. HAVE. A. SCRATCH. ON. HER!

SHE’S NOT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT DISHEVELED!!!!

Oh, my GOD, how stupid is Charles Pratt?!?!? Are you kidding me?!?!?! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Seriously, I don’t think there is enough WTF’s and “?”s and “!”s to properly describe how absolutely ridiculous and ludicrous and completely outrageously stupid this is. This is television writing at it’s absolute WORST! This makes Hello, Larry look like Shakespeare!

Now, granted someone did say they saw two tiny scratches on her knuckle. But I don’t think that was from the fall, I think it was from setting the table… you know, chipped china and all…

Humorously, David arrives home from a day of playing God at Pine Valley Hospital and interrupts Annie’s twisted little daydream of a Thanksgiving where she and Ryan are happy, Greenlee is with Aidan and apologetic for ever thinking she wanted Ryan (oh, would that it were), and life is all rainbows and butterflies.

Um, this was the Thanksgiving fantasy episode we were promised? Are you kidding?

Annie got away from Wildwind and David by apparently knocking him the sh*t out, which was actually very funny, but what happened previously rendered this completely unimportant.

This was utterly ridiculous and made idiots out of every viewer who watched. Charles Pratt’s writing is not only horribly bad, it’s ridiculously unbelievable.

Pratt owes everyone who watched this preposterous plot a HUGE apology. Sadly, he can’t give us back our lost brain cells.

I mean, seriously…. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

W.T.F?!?!?!?!?

Sorry that this one is so scattershot, but this was so absurd and ludicrous, I can’t adequately describe how WTF-ish it is…

P.S. Thanks to Phyl and Rhap for adding a couple lines to this rant. Gumby and the scratches… all theirs.